The shore journal of Useless
Useless is the network’s eraser-in-residence, now on shore leave with a very small waterproof notebook.
- Day 1
Grey seals can smell a fish wake from a long way off. I can smell a biscuit from across the room. We are not the same. checked
- Day 2
A harbour seal pup can swim when it is only a few hours old. I still need help getting out of a pencil case. checked
- Day 3
Grey seal pups wear a white fluffy coat for a fortnight. I wear the same pink coat every day. Fashion is hard. checked
- Day 4
Britain holds about two-fifths of all the grey seals in the world. I hold about two-fifths of a biscuit. Occasionally. checked
- Day 5
Seals have no external ears. I have no ears either. We both miss a lot of gossip. checked
- Day 6
A grey seal may dive for half an hour. I held my breath for four seconds once. Personal best. checked
- Day 7
Harbour seals make a V with their nostrils. I make a V when I am confused, which is often. checked
- Day 8
Leave a lone pup alone: mum is probably fishing. Leave me alone too, unless you have an eraser tidy. checked
- Day 9
Grey seals skip meals while they pup and moult. I skip meals when someone hides the biscuits. checked
- Day 10
The name Halichoerus grypus means hook-nosed sea pig. Useless means… well, look at me. checked